So. Um. Teammates.
It happened today. I stepped on the scale and the numbers I've been waiting my whole life to see appeared:
154.5
That means my BMI is 24.9.
That means I'm healthy-- barely, but I'm there.
It means that today, I went to the gym and went to work. I wore size 8 pants from The Limited and a size small sweater from Talbot's. I wore heels with pointy toes. I wore make-up and accessories. I look like an entirely different person. Over the past few months, I have had several people legitimately not recognize me (including me which was awkward).
Do I feel like an entirely different person? Mmm. Maybe? I know I look like a different person. I feel much more confident. I know that I can run several miles without stopping. I know I can walk into any store in the mall and pick up a small shirt and it will fit (I mean, except probably Justice-- let's be real, right?) I've been through an incredibly dramatic physical change-- But am I truly different? I don't really know, teammates. I know that I feel proud of myself, and that I feel healthy. I know that the gym is my second home and they always keep the light on. But as of right now, I just look different. I don't feel a lot different. Is healthiness the same as happiness?
I wonder if it's because even though nine months is not a very long time (and it was almost exactly 9 months-- I started on March 3rd of this year), this transition was very slow. I did not go from a size 22 to a size 8 in a week. Nobody can. It took me almost a year and it took a lot of pain (including the time I clocked myself in the face with a barbell) and a lot of emotional stress.
But, it's what everybody dreams of, right? Getting to your goal weight. Now, I'm not quite there. I'd like to hit 100 pounds total, but I hope that'll happen in December. But I am literally living the dream-- and guess what? I am pretty happy, and proud, but on a whole, I am not happy-er. I still have the same cool job. I still have the same wonderful, loving husband and family. I still have the same apartment and the same car. My daily life has changed in that it has a lot more of the YMCA in it and a lot less burritos, but on a whole, my life is the same. I was always pretty happy, so I am still pretty darn happy! :)
Losing 96.5 pounds did not make me happy, but it has provided an incredible array of amazing little moments. Kind of like money won't make you happy, but you never see people crying on jet-skis, right? The money doesn't make you happy, the experience of the water splashing your feet and the wind in your hair and the sun on your face makes you feel exuberant. So, when I try on an outfit or a look I've always admired, and it fits, I feel excited. When I accomplish something in yoga class or run a mile faster than I ever have before, I feel exhilarated. When I am full after a small serving of something wonderful, I feel content in ways that bingeing has never made me feel content. When I can share clothes with my sister and my best friend for the first time in my life, I feel normal, and that feels amazing.
Happiness? No. I already had that. Little moments of excellence? Yes, definitely.
So, many many many people have asked me how I did it. Specifically they ask "What's the secret?" They are always very sad when I tell them the secret is MATH. Calories Out minus Calories In should always be a positive number. That's how you will lose weight. You can eat organic, unhealthy, vegan, whatever. I pretty much live off of protein bars, cereal, fruits and vegetables. I do a lot of different things at the gym, but really, that's not important. The important thing is the math. Everyone is different, so the actual "less food more moving" part can and should vary greatly. Also, this is my method-- and there are many. So as usual, take it with a grain of salt (but not if you're watching your sodium).
It happened today. I stepped on the scale and the numbers I've been waiting my whole life to see appeared:
154.5
That means my BMI is 24.9.
That means I'm healthy-- barely, but I'm there.
It means that today, I went to the gym and went to work. I wore size 8 pants from The Limited and a size small sweater from Talbot's. I wore heels with pointy toes. I wore make-up and accessories. I look like an entirely different person. Over the past few months, I have had several people legitimately not recognize me (including me which was awkward).
Do I feel like an entirely different person? Mmm. Maybe? I know I look like a different person. I feel much more confident. I know that I can run several miles without stopping. I know I can walk into any store in the mall and pick up a small shirt and it will fit (I mean, except probably Justice-- let's be real, right?) I've been through an incredibly dramatic physical change-- But am I truly different? I don't really know, teammates. I know that I feel proud of myself, and that I feel healthy. I know that the gym is my second home and they always keep the light on. But as of right now, I just look different. I don't feel a lot different. Is healthiness the same as happiness?
I wonder if it's because even though nine months is not a very long time (and it was almost exactly 9 months-- I started on March 3rd of this year), this transition was very slow. I did not go from a size 22 to a size 8 in a week. Nobody can. It took me almost a year and it took a lot of pain (including the time I clocked myself in the face with a barbell) and a lot of emotional stress.
But, it's what everybody dreams of, right? Getting to your goal weight. Now, I'm not quite there. I'd like to hit 100 pounds total, but I hope that'll happen in December. But I am literally living the dream-- and guess what? I am pretty happy, and proud, but on a whole, I am not happy-er. I still have the same cool job. I still have the same wonderful, loving husband and family. I still have the same apartment and the same car. My daily life has changed in that it has a lot more of the YMCA in it and a lot less burritos, but on a whole, my life is the same. I was always pretty happy, so I am still pretty darn happy! :)
Losing 96.5 pounds did not make me happy, but it has provided an incredible array of amazing little moments. Kind of like money won't make you happy, but you never see people crying on jet-skis, right? The money doesn't make you happy, the experience of the water splashing your feet and the wind in your hair and the sun on your face makes you feel exuberant. So, when I try on an outfit or a look I've always admired, and it fits, I feel excited. When I accomplish something in yoga class or run a mile faster than I ever have before, I feel exhilarated. When I am full after a small serving of something wonderful, I feel content in ways that bingeing has never made me feel content. When I can share clothes with my sister and my best friend for the first time in my life, I feel normal, and that feels amazing.
Happiness? No. I already had that. Little moments of excellence? Yes, definitely.
So, many many many people have asked me how I did it. Specifically they ask "What's the secret?" They are always very sad when I tell them the secret is MATH. Calories Out minus Calories In should always be a positive number. That's how you will lose weight. You can eat organic, unhealthy, vegan, whatever. I pretty much live off of protein bars, cereal, fruits and vegetables. I do a lot of different things at the gym, but really, that's not important. The important thing is the math. Everyone is different, so the actual "less food more moving" part can and should vary greatly. Also, this is my method-- and there are many. So as usual, take it with a grain of salt (but not if you're watching your sodium).
- Find a way to get quantified. You will need two pieces:
- Something to track your movement (Calories Out) (I got a Fitbit, which I love. You might want a Jawbone or a Bodybugg or a Garmin or just an old school pedometer).
- Something to track your food intake (Calories In). Fitbit can do this on their website, or you can use calorieconnect, caloriecount, sparkpeople or any number of other calorie websites.
- Start having a caloric deficit. You need to burn more than you eat. Period. When you're starting, a deficit of 500 calories a day is not a bad plan. You'll lose about 1 pound a week at that rate. You can do this by:
- Knowing your BMR-- this is how many calories you burn if you literally lay in bed all day.
- Eating less (But TRACK what you eat, no matter how much it is! WRITE IT DOWN!)
- Moving more (I suggest doing as many different activities as physically possible).
- Be diligent. Think of Madeye Moody in the Harry Potter series, yell to yourself "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" if you can. Or invent another mantra. Mine was "NO EXCUSES!" because I am a serial excuse-maker. Know that every time you choose to move instead of sit, every time you turn down a cookie, you are creating a deficit. The bigger that deficit is, the better (to a point, don't go crazy now).
- Don't let a small indulgence ruin your day. Eating one hershey's kiss is not a disaster (25 calories, that's okay). Eating 9 and then throwing up your hands and having 2 cookies and 3 glasses of wine on the other hand, will absolutely set you back. Indulge, savor, and STOP.
Team, I'm not special or lucky or really even particularly brilliant for coming up with this plan. Really, I'm just stubborn. It's a lifelong process and I have been incredibly fortunate to have the monetary and emotional support to get it kickstarted for myself. I have been humbled by all of the support, praise and encouragement you've all given me throughout this process. I have been humbled by how many people have asked me what they can do to be healthier. If you want to be healthier, that is awesome, but please remember, it is your journey. You have to do it in your time, and in your way.
I'm sure I will post again, but thank you for reading.
Team, I couldn't have done it without you.
Team, I couldn't have done it without you.
