Why I Don't Regret My Fat Wedding Pictures

Good morning, blogfriends! I'm jumping right in here today, because I feel like this is really important. Before I forget, all of our wedding photography was done by the amazing Yvonne Denault of Yvonne Denault Photography (yvonnedenault.com, seriously check it out. I mean, read my blog first but then check it out).

I had a thought about this last night at our friends' wedding. I thought about it at the last wedding we went to as well.

My thought was this: I probably weighed about my starting weight or more when T and I married in 2011, and very honestly, it showed in the pictures.

And for a long time, even though I love my husband more than rainbows, penguins and unicorns combined, I didn't like looking at most of the pictures, because I couldn't shake the feeling that I looked like a giant cream puff (or more accurately, that I'd consumed a lot of cream puffs).

Yep. Mmm, delicious accuracy.

When I first started losing weight, I even talked about renewing our vows for the sole purpose of buying and wearing a new wedding dress, even though I assembled my wedding outfit with probably more care, thought and attention than many people take to choosing a career or buying a house.

Even though one of my best friends hand-made my bolero. Even though I got my petticoat shipped from New Zealand. Even though I had my shoes hand-sparkled. Even though quite literally a team of people worked their asses off to make me look gorgeous.

Even though none of that should have mattered, because I married the love of my life.

As I saw the numbers dropping, I started thinking about having a vow renewal and re-doing the whole shebang. Looking like the brides in the magazines. Having a strapless gown and an updo (which I wouldn't wear at our wedding-- feeling like my neck did not need any further attention than it already attracted).

I was pretty sure I'd look like this the 2nd time around.

But I don't look like whoever that lady is. Because I'm (spoiler alert!) not a wedding dress model (GASP!)

As I've gussied up for wedding season this summer, I realized, I have been straight up wrong. And seriously shallow and ridiculous. Our wedding wasn't perfect despite my weight. It was perfect because of our love. Weddings aren't about all of that nonsense. Weddings are about this look:

Granted, this is a picture of us looking at Adam Mills, so really, who wouldn't look like this? 

And my wedding pictures aren't ruined because I happened to have a lot of fat on my body. They're beautiful because I was the happiest person in the world that day. The pictures would have looked EXACTLY the same, whether I had long sleeves, short sleeves or no sleeves. They're perfect because Tarver's the best. Because we worked really hard to make our day unique and exciting. Because we love each other times a billion. 

I've started with this little linguistic change... do you like it? :)

My wedding pictures aren't ruined, they're accurate. Having lots of fat didn't mean I couldn't smile. It didn't mean I couldn't dance until I probably got heatstroke. It didn't mean I couldn't flit around and talk to the 140 people who were kind enough to come out and witness our union. It didn't mean we all couldn't sing Don't Stop Believing  at midnight, all together.

It turns out, how much I weighed that day didn't matter at all. The only person it mattered to was me. And it doesn't anymore. I love my wedding pictures, I love my husband, and I love you folks.

Now, does this mean we'll never have a vow renewal? No way, man. We had way too much fun the first time not to try to recreate the magic. But the point won't be how I look in a dress. It'll be bringing everybody together and celebrating love. Because for all of the aesthetic excellence that constitutes modern weddings, they are, at their core, about a community coming together to celebrate love. 

And that definitely happened. :) So, again a big thank you to everyone who made that day magical, and everyone who makes every day magical. Especially to my husband, who was the person who cared the absolute least how I looked in my dress.

This man gets an A+ every day.

 PS: This morning I weighed in at 201.5--- that means sometime next week I will most likely hit the 50 pound mark. Wowsies!