A New Feature and FOOOOOOOD

Greetings, dear friends, lovely Facebook acquaintances, beloved family, and treasured internet strangers! Today we have two cool things to talk about. I know. It's overwhelming. Last time we talked I shared that I have lost 20 pounds. It is true. I have lost twenty pounds. 21, actually, woot!

Part One: A New List!

 On occasion, someone will ask me "How are you doing it?" and my answer is always the same, "I eat 1200 calories a day and go to the gym 5 days a week whether I want to or not, NO EXCUSES."

Weight loss isn't a secret, and neither is the fact that the secret book is silly-pants.

But regarding those two things there are some pretty specific things that I do. The first is my food situation. My "secret," with that is calorie counting, seriously. I am compulsive about it. People think I am insane. (Especially my brother: for every fiber of me that is orderly, tied to rules and routine there are twelve fibers in my brother mixing Sriracha, honey, maple syrup, taco sauce, white pepper and putting it on a ham/taco meat/marinated steak pizza). I highly suggest counting your calories for a few days. The results are probably surprising! :)

I haven't gotten to this point yet. Please advise my family if you see me doing this.

The second half of that is the sheer amount of time I spend on cardio equipment. I use all kinds of things, a treadmill on a nice steep incline, a crosstrainer or an elliptical on a nice high resistance, or if I'm feeling particularly masochistic, I spend time with my friends the rowing machine and the stair-stepper. Lately I do 60 minutes of cardio. When I do anything cardio, in order to avoid feeling like I want to die the dreaded BB combination, I read.

What is the BB combination? Well, it is a sad combination of what people like to lovingly refer to as "The Burn," (and then describe it as a "Good Burn," to which I say, WTF?! Are you kidding?! I weigh 230lbs! THIS IS NOT A FUN BURN!!! What burn have you ever had that was fun? Is there a difference between The Burn and getting actually physically burned?) and another thing I call "boredom."  So, BB, Burn and Boredom. Terrible combo. To defeat this, I like to read adventuresome books with heroines (okay, and heroes too). Generally, when I'm reading about people fighting in martial arts tournaments, toppling corrupt governments, defeating dark lords and falling into the Greek Underworld, I can suck it up and deal with The Burn (TM?).

Katniss Everdeen, Ginny Weasley and Annabeth Chase. (Drawn by  Burdge and colored by Jennaamariee)

So, the result of the BB combo is that I read a lot. I realized the other day that I'd finished several books entirely on cardio machines.  Thus-- for your enjoyment-- there is now a list.  That was a really long way to tell you about my new list, but there you go. Now you know what I read, really specifically.

Part Two: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

But I bet you really want to know about why I wrote FOOOOOOOD at the top of this post? It's because yesterday, for the first time since March 3rd, I had too much to eat. I was actively full and I didn't care. Yesterday, Tarver and I paid off our last credit card. We had a snack-ton of credit card debt and now it's gone. We went out to eat and I had Chicken Saag with Basmati Rice. Not a lot of it, but probably two servings. I estimated it at just under 700 calories.

It may not look like much, but it is one of my absolute favorite foods, evar.

Let me be clear about something, team, I had/have (depending on whether or not you subscribe to the once-an-addict-always-an-addict theory) a serious binge eating problem.  I used to bake just so I could binge on cookies and dough. I used to use any cash given to me almost exclusively on burritos. That's not a joke, it's true. I used to put away half a pizza or more along with 5-6 breadsticks covered with Parmesan. Cooking at home alone I would make an entire box of pasta and eat it all in one sitting. With cheese. Whole loaves of French bread. 3 cups of rice with butter and sugar. 5 bowls of cereal. 2 rows of oreos. A whole box of girlscout cookies. 6 tacos. This isn't once in awhile I would do this, this is all the time. Several days a week, sometimes more than once a day. I had a problem.

True, lots of people struggle with much scarier binge eating problems, but please remember, I gained 70 pounds in the span of 3 years. At my heaviest weight, (Which I don't know, because I didn't even weigh myself until we'd been exercising for 2 weeks) I could have easily qualified for gastric bypass surgery. At some point I started snoring and developed acid reflux. I had a brief and scary brush with diabetes. I bought pants with a stretchy band instead of a zipper and a button. I hated myself, probably because I was killing myself very slowly.

Here is a picture of a puppy in case I am getting too intense. :)

So when I tell you I ate 700 calories of something and was aware that it was too much, you need to know that something big has changed. You need to know that this is something I struggle with every single day.  The reason I'm so crazy about my measurements is that I am scared that I'll fall off and not be able to get back on. Again. Like I did the last time and the time before that and the time before that.

Yesterday, I decided I could over-indulge within reason. The restaurant gave me a big, delicious bowl of saag. I ate two servings of a food that I love. I put the rest away and brought it home. I felt full. Am I going to do it again today, or tomorrow, or next week? No. I can't. But, I can be a normal human being and have an extra serving of a favorite dish, because damn it, sometimes it's okay to celebrate.

It's just not okay to celebrate every day. Yesterday I made a step toward eating like a regular person. Mostly eating portioned meals and vegetables and lean protein-- but sometimes, sometimes, having more of a food you love. Because food is not about punishment, sadness and death. It's not about getting as much as you can as quickly as you can. It's the uniting factor for humanity. Food is about life and sharing and yes, celebrating. 

Phew. Okay. That's what I've got for you, team. Thanks for reading! 

#WeightLossProblems

Hello sweet interwebz! Let's have a chat, shall we? Guess what?! I definitely am officially down TWENTY pounds! It's pretty awesome. Let's talk about some fun things, like the weird problems I've come across!

I'm sorry to advise you all of this sad fact: I have no pants that fit. Even the brand new pants I just got don't fit me anymore. I have several spare inches in my brand new pants, since I've lost about 3 pounds every week since we started. Let me put something into perspective for you:

Yeah. I lost 20 Pounds. Look at that.

So, looking at this delightful display (I know, so delicious) I have lost 20 pounds. Look. At. That. Thing. That's why my clothes don't fit. Seriously. 3 pounds a week means that every 10 days some random place on my body loses one of THOSE squishy things. It's kinda weird.

Another thing we should talk about. I'm sore all the dang time, and tired. Operating on a 1000 calorie deficit makes me a little tired and I have a very busy job. But dang if it isn't worth it every single morning when I get on the scale and I sleep like a baby. 

I'm sorry this post is boring but seriously, LOOK at the FAT picture!!!

The Lofty-Dream-Goal-of-Excellence

Welcome, team! I have made an awful lot of progress since I pitched a fit last week about my plateau. You were all very kind and reminded me that having a plateau is normal and I am working really hard. With your help, I realized that pitching a fit was not a good way to break a plateau-- only really pushing myself at the gym could possibly break a plateau. So I did. I tried some new machines (I got THE MOST spectacular bruise from a run-in with a stride-runner machine), pushed myself to lift heavier weights, spent that extra 5 minutes on the cross-trainer, went up one level of incline on the treadmill.

This is going to be me someday. Hiking with trees and T.S. Eliot.

And guess what happened? My plateau was crushed. As a matter of fact-- as is fairly typical for me, my weight has plummeted the last few days. I expect it to even out again fairly soon, but last week I lost 3.5 pounds. I've lost 17 pounds since March 3.

On this chart you can see the plateau of horror and the plunge of wonder.

I suppose now is a grand time to talk about goals-- this would be an easy time to quit. It really would. I look better, I feel better, people have noticed that I've thinned up a little. I made a good dent. But guess what? I have habits now. I like to go to the gym. I love my fitbit-- and I actually think my stomach shrunk-- when I measure out 56 grams of pasta and 1/2 cup of sauce and 2 oz of chicken and eat it all at once with a few vegetables-- I am completely stuffed. I'm on a roll, so now is the time to keep goals in mind and keep pushing!

Check it out-- the guy on the right has GREEN hair and all of them have letters for feet!
Clip art is my favorite.

1. Daily Goals/Habits: Wear my fitbit, have a 1000 calorie deficit, move.

2. Weekly Goals/Habits: Go to the gym at least 5 times, go for a 7000 calorie deficit.

3. Short Term Goal/Marker: Lose 25 pounds (9 pounds left until I reach my first milestone-- short term goals are reassessed as they are reached).

4. Long Term Goal/Marker: Make it into a healthy weight range (I am a 25 year old woman, I am 5'6", that means I should weigh less than 155lbs. Nearly 100 pounds).

5. Liz's-Lofty-Dream-Goal-of-Excellence: Half of my starting body weight. I could be at 125.5 and have lost 125.5.

Now, some words about the Lofty-Dream-Goal-of-Excellence: I've never been this small. I don't know if my bones and organs even weigh more than this. I have no idea. I have a very vivid middle school memory of being with 3 friends in a bathroom and weighing ourselves-- the other 12/13-year-old girls weighed between 110-120. I weighed 142. So this really really really is a Lofty-Dream-Goal-of-Excellence. It startles people when I tell them I want to weigh 125 and I have to reassure them that this is merely a Lofty-Dream-Goal-of-Excellence. It would be cool. It's something to strive for. If it happens, cool. If it turns out that my healthiest weight is 150 or 140 or even 130, I'm not going to starve myself for those last few pounds.  This is about health.

See, I put a caduceus so you can see how much about health this is.

I'm really more interested in being healthy and living longer. And getting a Pixie haircut. I think my face shape might change to be more conducive to a Pixie cut. And maybe Michelle Obama arms. FLOTUS has some hot guns, yo.

So, that's what I have for you this Sunday. I also wanted to shout out to all of you who have messaged me either publicly or privately to let me know that you have started a quiet push to being healthier. Many of you have messaged me to tell you that you made a good food choice, that you made it to the gym when you didn't want to (because NO EXCUSES!!!) or that you pushed yourself a little harder than usual. When I started blogging (in February of 2009, the first time I tried to lose weight) I didn't realize that other people might get something out of my struggles and triumphs. I love love love hearing from you. I have tried to reach out to all of you personally, but if for some reason I missed you/yours, please know 3 things:

1: You can do this, and there's no excuse not to.
2: You aren't alone.
3: I am proud of you. You are awesome. This isn't easy and you're doing it anyway.

DANG look at her arms!

Thank you, team, for reading. Someday we'll all go hiking and lift things with our Michelle Obama arms and get Pixie cuts and wear skinny jeans and take ballet lessons together. Or just eat pizza. Whatever healthy folks do, we'll do it together. What's your Lofty-Dream-Goal-of-Excellence?

Scale Mentality

How I am right before I step on the scale, hoping to break my 4-day plateau:

(that's "I know it's today" from Shrek the Musical-- the sad story of how Princess Fiona waited in a tower for 8423 days and stayed sane by repeating to herself "I know it's today.")

And this is how I am when the scale comes up with the same number (237.5 for those of you keeping track) for the fifth day in a row:

Really? Really. Really.

And then I sigh, take my shower and go about my calorie-counting, stair-climbing, gym-going day. I keep telling myself it's inevitable that I'll get stuck occasionally but DANG, do I hate this plateau business. Honestly I would feel better if I had to come on here and tell you all that I messed up and ate like six cakes. Then at least I would feel like it made sense.

I miss Allie Brosh.

But, sweet internets, I haven't binged since February. I've exercised every other day and lots of times way more than that-- still no loss of any kind in 5 days.

Le sigh. I can't healthily eat any less food than I do so it's more movement for me! NO EXCUSES!!!

What do you do when your results come to a standstill?

PS: Yes, I do know that I weigh myself too often. I have been told this multiple, multiple times by many, many people. I would have to make T literally hide my scale not to weigh myself in the morning. It's compulsive. It's just part of how I roll, team. 

Sometimes This Is Actually Really Hard

You know what, team? I didn't have an awesome day today. My weight went up for the first time since March 15-- and even though I know that weight fluctuations are normal and healthy and part of being, you know, a human person (and especially a human lady person) I somehow was very upset by the fact that I was up to 240 this morning after spending 3 days at 239 flat. Which says to me-- Liz-- you must calm yourself.

Seriously, when Lemurs have to calm you down-- calm the snacks down, dude.

Why was I so cranky?

Because I have been kicking ass and taking names, that's why. I've stayed in my calorie limits, I've exercised every day-- and quite frankly those three days of being at 239 should have added up to a pound down, instead of a pound up, according to my science.

But it isn't my science. It is my body's science and it will do what it wants to do. And it will actually do what is best for me, if I let it.

I often feel more like I am life's lab-- but I guess my body is my lab? C.S. Lewis said that I'm a soul and I have a body, not the other way around so I could be doing science experiments on my own body? I think?

And let's be clear about one thing, I am still down 11 pounds. Which, really, is amazing. But DANG if it isn't hard to have an icky weigh in!

Though I have to admit, probably the real reason I am feeling so feisty is that I accidentally WAY overate at work for lunch-- we got these boxed lunches delivered since we were in a training seminar. And I thought-- yes, these are going to be pretty caloric, but I don't want to be that lady who won't eat the delicious free food she's been given. So I decided, I will eat half of everything in my little box. Half a sandwich, half a tiny bag of chips and half a cookie (I could have probably given away the whole cookie without too much ire-- but I firmly believe in cookies). So, imagine my dismay when I dig up the calories on that particular meal and find that the lunch box is a whopping TWELVE HUNDRED calories!!!

I know, Xibit. 1200 calories is gross. I hear you.

 For those of you joining our broadcast already in progress, that's approximately how many calories I eat in one day. So very thankfully I only ate half of that. But that means I ate half of my day's calories at lunchtime. And considering I already ate my appropriately-sized breakfast (just around 350) That means I left the rest of my day with very little to work with-- or sacrifice my deficit.

This picture is great. Just soak it in. "THE NEWS: BAD NEWS!"
I love it.

Why not just work out harder?  I hear some of you asking. Well, I'll tell you why-- I'm exhausted, that's why. I've worked out every day for the past 7 days and yesterday my body started feeling fatigued instead of sore-- usually a sign that a rest-day is in order. These two things happened simultaneously.

Not my favorite.

So what did I do?

I had some very low-calorie snacks, got my hair did, went to target and got delicious food for other days and kept it all under control.

Because a bad day is not an excuse to give up on my plan.

So... sorry this post is less hilarious and more... self-righteous or something.  I felt like it's important to put out there that sometimes, even though I feel so much better and I know I can continue, this process is really difficult and really stressful.

But there's no excuse not to do it.

Also here's a cute picture of a flower.