A Bunch of Interesting Oversimplifications (Day 9)

CAVEAT: This post is about being a therapist and some things about therapy. I'm NOT a licensed therapist (yet), this post should not be considered advice or professional opinion.

With that said let me tell you a trade secret: therapists don't only work in feelings-- sometimes therapists work in motivation.

Allow me to elaborate: Some people only have a feeling that something is wrong. Some people know what their problem is but truly don't know what to do about their struggles. In these cases, the job of the therapist is to help the client locate the problem and help them brainstorm solutions that work in the client's context (this includes SES, mental and emotional capacity, etc).

However, sometimes people know what their problem is and they know how to fix it. They just don't know how to make themselves fix it-- something is in their way.

The role of the therapist, many times, is the mediator of this trouble.

No, I've never seen anyone lay on a couch for therapy.
That's sooo last season. 

This is a gross oversimplification, however, let's take my situation as an example. I am aware that weighing too much is my problem. Specifically, binge eating and sedentary behavior are my problems. The solution to these two problems are simple. Eat less, move more. Consume less calories than you expend. That's it.

So, I thought to myself today-- if I was my own client, what would I do with myself? What would I ask myself? How would I help myself make the changes I need to in order to live a happier and healthier life?

What an appropriate piece of clip-art!

The answer for me is dig for a story. Again, this is a gross oversimplification. I'm a narrative therapist, so I work in stories. My story of myself almost my entire life is that of a fat girl. Being a Fat Girl is what I would term my "Dominant Story." The process of therapy that I would usually chose to do would involve pointing out instances of my "Dominant Story," which most likely involves an externalized problem. If I was my own therapist, have me give my problem a name to make things easier. The name of the problem is not important. People name their problems all kinds of things from simple ones like "The Depression," and "The Anxiety," to "The Ishy," "The Worthlessness," or some people invent words for their problems. Mine is called "The Blob."

Fitting, right?

To people unfamiliar with narrative therapy this is going to sound a little weird, but sometimes part of the process is externalizing and anthropomorphizing a problem. That is, trying to figure out what the problem wants, what it likes, what it dislikes, and the two very most important questions in my opinion: What does it want for your life? and Is that okay with you? (okay three questions, since, in theory, the person is not in agreement with the problem and they say "NO, it's NOT okay with me!") and Why isn't that okay with you?

To answer the questions: Very simply, The Blob wants to kill me. Not today. Not tomorrow. But slowly. In an awful, painful, shameful way. The Blob wants me to get bigger and bigger and more and more miserable. Is that okay with me?

...okay, so why not? Why isn't it okay with me? It's not okay because I want more out of my life. I want to live to see people's kids grow up, maybe have kids of my own. I want to set a good example for my clients. I don't want to die prematurely. I want to live a long, healthy life with my husband and have the energy to go on all of the amazing adventures we have planned. I have always wanted to take dance lessons. I want to look great in a little black dress. I want to make my parents proud of me. I want to go shopping with my friends and fit into "normal" sizes.

This description, all of these goals become part of my "Alternative Story." The new chapter of my life-- the part of my life The Blob is not involved in. The steps now, are to listen for when The Blob is influencing me. Like, tonight, for example, when I ate two big tacos instead of one.

Right along with the theme of oversimplifying, when I hear the voice of The Blob or feel I'm being influenced by The Blob, I remember that The Blob is a lying lieface. The Blob is offering me a second taco-- but at what cost? Then I remember that The Blob only wants bad things for me. I remember that The Blob's agenda is NOT something I agree with. I think about the reasons I don't agree with the stupid Blob.

Then, I don't eat a third taco. :)

There's really a LOT more to it and I'm happy to explain more to anyone who's interested, but that's enough therapy for one night. Thanks for reading, team!